Lost In Beauty-

Friday, July 6, 2012

I have alot to say but didnt know how should i put it or can i write it here. Many relationahips have many obstacles to overcome. It takes alot of courage and the will of two person to overcome. I care not only about the person i love but also his love ones. When he is unhappy i'm unhappy. When he is happy, i'm happy. Life is full of unpredictable things. You never know who you meet till you meet the special one. Though many people can misunderstand but if you know you are right you should do it. It felt sad when people misunderstands you but you don't wish to explain. I can go through any hardships with the person i love as long as he is willing to walk hard with me n walk together with me. But if all he does is only working hard for him. Many people knows how to say but dunno how to do it. I really know what am i talking now... Just felt that alot of words can't say now...

the beauty exposed ;

Friday, March 23, 2012

What is the formula for a successful relationship? What is a succesful relationship? I have been thinking for this over the past few days. During the nights, when i'm alone listening to songs and such...Maybe it's my fault that i talk too much..or should i say nag. So i know so i tried not saying so much.. Try to accomadate more and more... but i think it's not right, right?Lately we have drifted .. I stop taking his car coz i was thinking he should be very tired so i let him sleep. When i wake him up to say that i'm going to work, he will answer: 'um', that's it. I think i'm being over sensitive right? I thought if sharing some of my work things with him and many mroe..about the kids too.. But he seems like not listening. What couples should be doing, we are not doing. What families should be doing we are not doing. He is tired i understand so i didn't want to bother him with all this small things. Yes he is tired... or is he not??? When 2 persons are together, both of you must have trust, this is what i remember. That's why i don't lie to him. But now i'm really starting to think about the 2 of us... or should i say 4 of us?Including the kids... It's 2am now and he is still not back... Just hope that he is fine and will reach home safely....

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, March 18, 2012

It has been a long time since i last access into my blog... My blog isn't like what others are doing, it's a little online open diary i have. Today my mood wasn't that good. Till today i stilllc an't forget how a woman at where i'm staying now have scolded me, insulted me and nearly beaten me (if my the other sis in law, Karen wasn't there). I dare not say that its totally her fault and i do admit partly i'm at fault too. But for me, I felt that i shouldn't be treated that way. I also felt pretty disturb at the fact that i have to tolerate my husbands lies again and again and again. Though yes he didn't go and find anothr girl but our life now, what's the diiff? A fren said to me lately, life is short thus we should live our life to the fullest and happy with excitement. Do you think i don't want? I knwo if life everyone got their ups and downs. There are even families who are worse than me. Btu what if our life shouldn't be like that? There is no buts anymore. there should only be solutions. It's just whether i wanna take the 1st step anot.I thought of taking control back of my money and don't really care about him but i can't harden my heart to do that. I thought of divorcing with him but does it do nay good to my sons. But if i don't will he realise one day that this has caused me alot of probs? Caleb teeth is getting bad and when i see him, i felt guilty. When i see Issac, his jab has not finish taking, i felt guilty. When i see my wardrobe fall, i felt worried and scared what if it falls and hit any one of them. He says he knows and understadn but everytime which comes first? His car....
Speaking about that woman who insulted me, i felt so angry at the way she treated my mil and fil btu my mil still wants to clear her things and cook everydau. When she leaves her house, my mil have to take down her shoes for her as she's scared of spiders so she's afraid that there's spiders in it. In this way, will she learns. A peron who is always complaining of dirty but don't want to clean coz she is scared of dirty, that's bullshit!! Haiz btu what rights do i have to feel angry with them. What rights? Haiz...

the beauty exposed ;

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Finally I'm into my blog!!! Been trying to get into my blog for i think almost an hour?? Couldn't remember my email and this and that...D*** it!!Lately haven been updating my blog or can i say I'm not a blogger my self but sometimes would like to just say things out here. It doesn't really matter if anybody would read it. Its just for me to write and for me to read. Arg!! WTH!!! That day i was just thinking and wanting to ask is there anyone who can recommend me a psychiatrist or i just need a person who we can sit down.
After that thing happen, nobody even say a word. Yes i care. Coz when its my fault, others will say that its my fault and i understand. When its not my fault then what did they say? Yes maybe like somebody who say this to me: They can't do anything but has someone really come and talk to me and really bother about how i felt. Maybe i ask for too much. People wants me to be like this wants me to be like that. I black face they don't like it. When they black face they don't know. Wehn i ask or say it out they say i'm being over sensitive. They say i can trash out what ever i feel but when i really trash out what do they say? I guess i should learn to shut up but i don't know how to shut up.

the beauty exposed ;

Friday, July 30, 2010

Lately i don't know why nothing seem to be right.Izzit my fault?i dunno i can still tel who.I use to tell sophia but she went back.Yani i oso dunno shld i call anot coz i know lately she has been quite happy.its like i don't want to tel anybody coz i dun 1 them to be sad abt my things.neither do i want to repeat or say e whole story.Everything.Like that day my elderest sis in law pancy.i bought milk for caleb n he was drinking after we went home.before i went out i already say im having stomach pain and once back i just went to toilet.I DID ASK MY SON TO COME OUT OF THE ROOM ALREADY!!my son didn't want to.then he throw the can of milk onto pancy's clothes.She is very scared of milk.the smell and everything.I came out even i have not finish my 'biz'.I bring him back into the room and say him with pancy outside so angry scolding my mother in law and saying nasty things like my son black hearted etc.I was so angry and upset that i went out of the house after she went out.from that day onward though she did talk to my son already but i never talk to her anymore.Maybe im just plainly xiao qi bah.But she avoided me from then on.even blind ppl oso can feel lor.Its as if she do not have any faults but the whole world yes.Everybody owe her something.DAMN IT!!so the next 2 days my mood was damn lousy.I didn't even tell my husband coz i don't want so much things ok.My mother in law says if can don't say.Don't want wait got more quarrels.So what should i do.Just keep quiet lor.so now when evr i call my mother in law pancy would call her lor.Not sure whether izzit i sensitive i just got the feeling that she dont want to let my mil help me or listen to me.Then the other day.I was rushing out to bring my son go to school and we are late already.I still have to rush back to bath for younger son and myself and rush to work.I already late so many times already.Then caleb step on the dogs urine and he slip and fall.But i really have to rush off.So my father in law was talking my son didn't answer then i also never say anything and i just pull my son and rush off without saying good bye ye ye(grandpa).So my father in law got angry coz he think that i don't want my son to talk to him.So when my mother in law came home asked me something he became very angry and scolded my mil.then came my husband who also gave me alot of headaches too.regarding alot of things.then now my work.i can no longer bring my son to work already.i reali dunno wat 2 do.But i'm very grateful that my boss did let me bring him to work already.but now i dunno wat to do.i don't blame her coz if im e boss or whichever boss.no one would like.i mean work is work.its not like this is my shop u know.there's so much so much things.My head is so pain and sometimes i can hardly breath coz i dunno who i can talk to.Its as if i can't talk to anyone.

the beauty exposed ;

Monday, April 26, 2010

I Love You

by Sara Teasdale

When April bends above me

And finds me fast asleep

Dust need not keep the secret

A live heart died to keep.

When April tells the thrushes,

The meadow-larks will know,

And pipe the three words lightly

To all the winds that blow.

Above his roof the swallows,

In notes like far-blown rain,

Will tell the little sparrow

Beside his window-pane.

O sparrow, little sparrow,

When I am fast asleep,

Then tell my love the secret

That I have died to keep.

the beauty exposed ;

Friday, April 23, 2010

One of my friend Zaine said i think too much.I think she was saying about the blog i wrote on 16th of april 2010.Ya i do admit i think too much.Too much...But the more i wanna think about what ad happen on that particular thing the more i will forget.Or should i say stuck.The memories somehow just stuck there and it doesn't continue.Or should i put it this way:I just kept thinking and thinking about what happen then suddenly i would say to myself...'err...that time got happen like this meh?err...no lah..err yes..err??'No matter what kind of memories happy or sad ones.Sometimes i do have this kind of thinkings too.Maybe some of the memories i have are just dream or something i have just imagine.Or something i shold not continue think of it.Some of my brain cells might just go weak coz i strain them too much jst to think of what has happen in the past.LoLzZ..just kidding..Whats a life without a past and whats a life with a past.coz i think its almost the same in some ways.In both ways u may feel happy or sad.Its just the way u look at it.How about you?What kind of life would you want.With past or without one....

the beauty exposed ;